Getting back with your ex may seem like the thing to do. There are many articles on the
net telling you how to do it, so there must be something to it.
Maybe, but before you put your time and energy into a relationship that ended, ask yourself
what you would gain by sharing your life with that person again. After all, something important went wrong, and unless it is solved, it is going to come up again.
If you had a great relationship and he suddenly broke it off, chances are that whether he meant to or not, he was misleading you. He had some issue with your relationship, or he wouldn’t have wanted to leave.
If he ended your marriage to take up with another person, or because he needed “more space”, the excuse won’t disappear just because you and he attempt to give your relationship a second chance. Your
ex will still have a wandering eye or a need for “space”.
Look at your relationship objectively. What was good about it? Was it the way it was, or were you always hoping it would get better?
Did you enjoy talking to each other? Did you share the same goals and opinions? Do you really know what your ex thought, or do you just assume you knew?
Sometimes, people aren’t honest about what they’re thinking. They don’t want to disagree, so they don’t say anything.
They go along to get along until they feel they can change the situation without investing a lot of thought and energy.
They allow a relationship to continue until another one comes along so they don’t
have to spend any time alone.
For these people, unsatisfactory company is better than no company at all. They may not want to be cruel, but their immaturity is such that they would rather let you deal with the fall out of their actions than give you fair warning of their dissatisfaction.
Other times, people want approval, and are afraid to say what they
think. These people feel that their opinions might meet with disagreement, and that
someone else’s differing view of the subject is a condemnation of their own feelings.
These people won’t tell you how they feel. They will listen to what you say, verbally agree,
and head for the hills as soon as they can get away.
You may have experienced this passive aggressive behavior in other situations. An example of what I mean is someone who goes out to eat with you every week, and finally resentfully announces that you always choose the restaurant.
You had no idea that this person was harboring bad feelings, but suddenly the results of their inability to express themselves is
entirely your fault. They just can’t face the reality of their own insecurities.
Did you and he talk to each other about your real thoughts? Were there signs that the break-up was coming?
Did she seem to be withholding something from you? Did she seem to have other things to do during those times you used to love spending together?
Are you sure the relationship was healthy and fulfilling for both of you, or are you feeling like a failure
because you are no longer a couple?
(to be continued)